Chic Camping

As we haven’t had a visit from the Austin Police Department in about 3 days, it’s time for the Compound to have another party! Specifically, for Hot Mary’s birthday. I went to the cottage last night to help in party planning, which is something that one would expect would be easy, given that I attend a premier Acting school and Mary attends a premier Listening school.

Unfortunately, other forces intervened. Specifically, as Mary self-diagnosed the other day in regards to a whole manner of things: “The thing about me is, I’ve lived in California all my life.”

Now, Mary had told me the other day that she wants a “beach party” theme for her birthday. In trying to more specifically peg that down, I asked, innocently “like..a Luau?”.

Mary looked at me with as much disgust as if I’d suggested a fetus party. Hereafter that look, (60% disgust and 40% fear that I might be serious), will be denoted with an ellipsis.

Mary: So, I want, maybe, beach balls everywhere, and some lanterns, and some pink flamingos.
Me: ok, well here are some flamingos on Oriental Trading. And palm trees. Do you want palm trees?
Mary: …
Mary: no, too luau.
Me: Maybe I’m not understanding your vision of what kind of beach this is.
Mary: You know, like, chic camping.
(At which point it is my turn to give the ellipsis look)…
Mary: Like, the VIP camping section at Coachella.
Me: That’s not a thing. That’s not a real thing.
Me: Fine. (randomly calling out the supplies I’m finding on Oriental Trading) Ooh! They have religious kites!
Mary: …
Mary: why would we want religious kites?
Me: why WOULDN’T we want religious kites? They say “Praise the Lord” among other messages of hope. And they’re only $13 for a dozen.
Mary:… we’ll put those in the “maybe” column.

Enter Katy Z, stage left (aka gchat)
Me: We’re planning a beach party.
Katy Z: ooh! Can I wear my coconut bra?
Me: NO. It’s specifically NOT a LUAU.
Katy: Well, can I wear a Florida shirt with zinc oxide on my nose?
Mary: No, no Florida.
Me: Well, then how are we supposed to be in theme?
Mary: It’s not really a theme, it’ s just how we’re decorating.
Katy: Ok, so like, Hamptons? Can I wear a big hat?
Mary: Well, I already had a hat party. (…) So she can wear a hat. But, I won’t be wearing one.

Me: Ooh! They have “design your own kites”!
Mary: …
Me: That way they can be religious, you know, if people wanted…or not.

Anyway, I left the cottage charged with the task of making a Facebook invite for a party I don’t fully understand, because I don’t understand any party that wouldn’t enjoy a “design-your-own-kite” station. All I really know is that we’re on a beach, camping, except the kind of camping where indie bands show up to your VIP port-a-potty, and we’re not in Hawaii, and we’re not Saved By the Bell’s beach house episodes, and we’re not in Florida, and we’re not wearing hats. But we are celebrating the Compound’s most fabulous resident, and there will be beer, and I sincerely doubt Katy Z or Mary will be wearing anything that resembles a shirt. So mark your calendars.