You MADD

As some of you may know, Perfect Roommate Kaitlin Marie Harrigan has left The Compound for a new life in New York. And I can't imagine anyone that could possibly be as generous, good with kindling, and hysterical to replace her. And so begins my manipulative Campaign To Live Alone.

This means I must come up with an alternative funding scheme for the second half of rent. Most recently, I thought to ask Mothers Against Drunk Driving to sponsor the second room in my house, such that there always be a safe alternative to driving home from one of our parties. This isn't actually a terrible idea, except for the fact that it might be a bit too specifically targeted as a marketing campaign and as Grant pointed out yesterday, the Mothers against drunk driving are "all f**king c**ts". So we toasted the death of the idea with a few more beers, then drove home.

BUT THEN, TODAY, I thought to myself, I thought: "which mothers have the most vested interest in this specific marketing campaign?"

Your mothers.

Check your mail, Mrs. Tesfay, Hills, Rivers, and Leffler. You'll be receiving an incredible offer* to sponsor your son's place in a time-share B&B in Central Austin, with a guarantee from me that he will never drive home drunk.

*And a retroactive invoice for time spent on The Compound, sleeping or otherwise, in the past year.