Get Rich or Die Tryin

I have something to confess, readership. I monetized.

Now, no...wait. Wait! Don't go. Shhh. Listen.

I have researched the production costs, and I will need $100 to mass produce the Date Farmer Dan Desk Calendar that will be going on sale at Wes Ven Johnson's table of other LBJ merchandise, which in turn will pay for the Petting Zoo we are hiring for Farmer Dan's Farm Themed Birthday Party (you heard it hear first!) So you see, I need to make ad revenue to finance it! #partyfinancialmanagement

To help me do so, I have appointed a Board of Directors. I, of course, will be President and CEO, in part because Metablog shouldn't have a glass ceiling, but more so because I most resemble Mark Zuckerberg in my awkward abrasive personality tendencies. Other board members named:

Mike, Idea Man
Elsa, Social Media and Marketing Director
Emily, Legal Dept.

Unfortunately I couldn't name Farmer Dan to the Board for lack of job experience (#getahaircutandajob), but I have named him Intern, which means he has to do what I say. Also, if you think you have what it takes to make it at Metablog, apply here.

Now, during our first Board Meeting today via international tele-conference (group g chat) London-based Social Media Director Elsa Monge reminded us that we must be willing to engage with our readership, lest we lose our base to a competitor.

Good thing an idea came earlier in the day from Trent regarding this very thing:

Trent: if you want to monetize your blog, the most obvious way is to have Farmer Dan take his shirt off. This will drive readers, who then will become hooked to your witty banter…. call him milk….also known as a loss leader in the grocery industry.

Thanks, Trent, for that great idea. I'll bet our readership wouldn't mind seeing you shirtless either.

SO, Blogosphere, if you are willing to keep visiting our site, we will do two things:

1) Stop using #trendingtwittertopics. I know, I know, we off that.

2) For every 100 hits - Intern Farmer Dan will take off a piece of clothing. (Don't worry, Google AdSense Reviewer* who will be "constantly monitoring" my site, this will be in no way pornographic.)





Now unfortunately for you, ladies - MetaBlog monetized during Austin's coldest cold snap ever. But your clicks are like the steam engine driving this strip tease. With a little work Dan will be heatin' up SRH like a back up generator.





*PS, Google AdSense Reviewer - how did you wind up with a job in which you literally get paid to dick around on the internet?
Also, while I've got you, Google AdSense Reviewer - since you work at Google - can you confirm or deny for us whether Jim made up "Gargoyling"?